I could tell you that Carl Crawford will steal more bases in 2010 than Chan Ho Park, but you did not come to www.chinstrapninjas.com for wiffleball-level advice for your fantasy sports season.
Ninjas are not known for taking the easy road, and you should not expect anything less from your chinstrap ninja family. We’ll leave the softball-lob predictions for the other fantasy sports sites.
So as the 2010 MLB opener bears down on quicker than Prince Fielder can devour a hot dog, let’s look at some more unconventional predictions for the upcoming season. Such as:
Ryan Zimmerman will outproduce (from a fantasy standpoint in 2010) all third baseman not named Alex Rodriguez. This is not me hating on Evan Longoria and the other options as much as me man-crushing on Zimmerman this season.
The Yankees, Red Sox and Rays will be in a three-way Battle Royale for both the AL-East crown and AL wildcard at least until Joe Paterno gets his next win with Penn State’s football team. When the dust settles, Boston will be on the outside looking in.
Rickie Weeks will start more than 130 games this year (his highest was 129 in 2008) and will produce Brandon Phillips-like numbers during large stretches of the season.
Ian Kinsler will start less than 130 games this year.
Jonathan Sanchez will lead the National League in strikeouts in 2010.
Jay Bruce will hit more home runs than any other batter in the NL-Central short of Albert Pujols.
The Detroit Tigers will win the AL-Central.
Jose Valverde saves more games than Mariano Rivera.
Justin Verlander narrowly beats Jake Peavy for the AL Cy Young.
Evereth Cabrera has a better season-ending stat line than Elvis Andrus.
The Angels will not win the AL-West.
Francisco Liriano finishes the season as the Twins uncontested No. 1 pitcher.
Jason Heyward will not win the NL rookie of the year.
Andrew McCutchen outproduces Ichiro Suzuki.
Geovany Soto finishes the season as the second-best NL catcher.
Drew Storen is saving games for the Washington Nationals before Brett Favre makes a decision on whether or not to play in 2010.
Brian Matusz wins the AL rookie of the year.
By season’s end, Kyle Blanks’ batting average and weight are within 10 points/pounds of each other.
Denard Span has a much better chance of beaning a relative with a foul ball as I do of drafting Ichiro Suzuki on any of my fantasy teams. (And you doubted my ability to make accurate bold predictions!)
Have a happy Easter and happy opening night of baseball!